She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
