i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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