i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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