Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
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And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
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So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
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