screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
