fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
