I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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