Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
