it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Randomize
