ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
