apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
