decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
