Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
