Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
