yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
