Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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