My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
