peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
