i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
