I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
