I wish I could teleport
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
