Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
