please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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