I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
