Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Randomize
