I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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