I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
