Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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