Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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