fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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