I need help removing her.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
