i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
