I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
