Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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