You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
my being single is dangerous.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
