fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
