I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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