I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
