He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just cut my nipple shaving
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Do you remember whose house we're in?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
