There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
