A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
