I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
