I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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