you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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