he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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