ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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