Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
