I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
