its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
