cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
