what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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