I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize