I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
