When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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