You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
