i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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