Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Do you still have your period?
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize