I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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