i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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