Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
