i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
