Can i not drive my cunt home
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
