peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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