Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
